need another drink. this is the easiest way
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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