k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Rumble strips road head = magical
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
