Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh god it's open bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
