And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
