No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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