Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
