im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
