Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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