just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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