Sponge bath it is.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
