At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
