Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
