I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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