Need sex. Gaining weight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
