we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
