I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I know her cup size but not her name....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
