Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
