i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
