did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
