from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
