Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
