is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
