I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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