So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Bring me that man meat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
