Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
