I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
