the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
