im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
