I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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