my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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