Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
