You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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