still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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