Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
