all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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