does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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