I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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