I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
