I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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