hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
