I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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