i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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