Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
