The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
