Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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