I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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