Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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