she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So much rum. So many feels.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
