Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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