I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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