Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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