just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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