Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
