Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
how does that bad decision feel?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
