booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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