I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
