i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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