eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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