Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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