When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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