Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
