weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
