fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
