Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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