she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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